PPP194: You're Awesome, But... - Piano Parent Podcast

25May 2020 by Shelly Davis

Read that title again and make sure you don’t miss the punctuation! This is not a podcast about our posterior, today’s show highlights a philosophy in which we can engage with our piano kids in a positive and constructive way.

I recently subscribed to a podcast, Positive University Podcast, by Jon Gordon. My husband suggested an interview on the podcast with Buzz Williams, the Texas A&M Basketball Coach. That interview was awesome so I subscribed to the podcast and have heard many other motivational talks.

In today’s episode of the Piano Parent Podcast, I am sharing my perspective on Jon Gordon’s interview with former NFL quarterback, Trent Dilfer and his coaching philosophy, ‘You’re Awesome, But…”

Listen to the full episode here

Resources mentioned in today's show

Trent Dilfer’s NFL career and stats

Why Trent Dilfer feels called to be a high school football coach

Trent Dilfer’s 2018 Keynote address to the USA Football National Conference

From the PPP Arvhives:

PPP110: Ten Ways to Genuinely Compliment Your Piano Kid

Four Stages of Parenting

During his 2018 Keynote address, Trent described four stages of parenting. Here is my interpretation:

We begin our parenting career as Caregivers. We’re feeding, burping, changing diapers, picking up food thrown from the high chair, calming tantrums.

As our children grow out of the toddler years, Dilfer says we become Cops. We are policing their behavior. “Don’t sit so close to the TV.” “Take your finger out of your brother’s nose.” “You cant have a snack now, it will spoil your dinner.” “Go practice your piano homework.”

The next phase, when our kids are in the middle school and high school years, is our Coaching phase. We’re not policing every move like before. We’re giving them opportunities to make their own decisions and deal with the consequences. “It’s awful late, are you going to be able to get up for school tomorrow?” “Are you making the progress on your recital piece that Mrs. Davis is expecting from you?” “What do you think about the choices your friends are making?”

Finally, we become Consultants to our children. As each of our older three children moved on to college and started living on their own, I gave them permission to stop obeying me. I told them that wise people seek out counsel and that their father and I still consult with our own parents about different things. We’d be foolish not to tap into their wisdom and life experience. Although my kids can consult with me, they don’t have to take my advice. However, they are also responsible for the consequences of their decisions.

I think a lot of parental conflict occurs when we get stuck on one phase as our children grow into the next phase.

Our kids aren’t toddlers anymore but we’re stuck I Caretaker mode and are still cleaning their room and picking out their clothes for them.

Our kids aren’t in elementary school anymore but we still try to be their Cop and never allow them to make choices on their own. We don’t give them the opportunity to learn from their own consequences.

Our kids are adults but we still try to Coach them and dictate their career path or life choices.

Where are you in your parenting path? Are you stuck in the last phase? kind of like I was stuck, as a married woman still wanting approval for the decisions I needed to make.

I think you’re awesome, but …. when we know better, let’s try to do better.

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