PPP168: You Cannot Learn to Play Piano in 30 Minutes Per Week

11Nov 2019 by Shelly Davis

I was reminded recently that parents need to be reminded to encourage their children to practice at home. I have the privilege of teaching music part-time at a charter school near me and my third graders are starting to play recorder. The kids and I meet only one day each week and that is only for 30 minutes. I told the students, “You cannot learn to play recorder in only 30 minutes per week. If you don’t practice at home, you will be confused in class and will quickly fall behind.”

The same thing is true for piano students. They cannot learn to play the piano in 30 minutes or even 60 minutes per week. Though most piano students have their teacher’s undivided attention, they will still be confused and less confident when they play during their lesson if they have not spent time with the music the previous week.

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The real work and learning happens at home. The real magic happens at home!

The Path of Least Resistance

You know that, given an option, most children will do the absolute least they can do. They won’t take a bath or wear clean clothes unless we demand that they do so. If our piano kids are left to their own devices, chances are they will never open their piano books or voluntarily go to the piano to practice. They may start out the school year with enthusiasm and promise to spend time practicing every day. After a few weeks they get into a routine of doing homework after school, they have a test to study for and the first thing that gets bumped from the schedule is piano practice.

I think most of us have good intentions but we just tend to follow the path of least resistance. If I don’t study for a test, my grades will drop and I’ll face the consequences when the report card comes out. If I don’t practice piano, my teacher will most likely remind me to practice but I won’t have to deal with any real consequences.

Tracy and I have been watching Kitchen Nightmares with Gordon Ramsey on Hulu. Even though each restaurant has it’s own twist, the story remains the same. The restaurant owner or the head chef gets complacent in their job and start to cut corners by purchasing cheaper food or hiring less experienced staff. They don’t realize how far their food quality has slipped and they think they can justify their decisions. Customers know they’re getting lazy, that’s why they stop coming in. With less customers, the restaurant starts losing money and they call Gordon Ramsey for help.

The first thing Gordon does when he arrives at the restaurant is to order a meal and sample the food. The chefs always seem shocked when he complains about their food. Tracy and I yell at the TV, “Of course the food is terrible! Why else do you think your business is in trouble?!” The restaurant owner and staff have followed the path of least resistance and it takes a strong personality to make them face reality and take a hard look at the way they are doing business.

Gordon is the perfect strong personality to help them see the light.

May the Force Be With You

Sir Isaac Newton’s First Law of Motion states that an object will remain at rest or in uniform motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an external force. If you are a mom of a teenage boy, you know this law is true every time you try to wake that sleeping boy up! It may have taken him all night to finally go to sleep and now that he is at rest and sleeping, you need a bullhorn and a bucket of ice water to get him moving. You have to use a stronger external force that overrides the appeal of sleep at the moment.

Just like Gordon Ramsey, we need to be the strong personality, the external force that guides our children to do the things they might not necessarily want to do. They won’t want to take a bath and go to bed at bedtime but we make sure they do. They will try to grab a snack 30 minutes before dinnertime unless we make sure they wait for a proper meal. They will not voluntarily go to the piano unless we make sure it happens.

**Now, if you are privileged to have a child who does not fit this mold, just smile and count your blessings. There are exceptions to the point I’m making today but for most typical kids, stopping what they want to do to do something responsible is not something they tend to do unless we intervene.

Unless we provide an “external force”, our children are not going to change course. Force doesn’t have to be negative. I mean if “Star Wars” taught us anything it’s that we want the force to be with us, right?

Unlike Gordon Ramsey, I don’t think we have to yell and scream or belittle our children to influence them. In addition to guiding our kids to practice and meet other obligations, we also have the responsibility of nurturing them and reassuring them that we love them and care enough about them to teach them the valuable life skills of accountability and discipline.

Children will Rise to Your Standard

I believe our children will echo the climate we establish in our homes. If we shirk responsibility, our kids will learn that that’s the way to go through life. If we lie to our boss on the phone, our kids will think lying is the way to avoid trouble when we miss a deadline. If we are intentional about fulfilling our obligations, we will teach our children to follow that example.

Unfortunately, the discipline we aim to teach our children must start with us. WE have to be disciplined.

We can’t sign ourselves and our children up for so many activities that our schedule becomes overbooked.

We must be in control of our calendar or someone else will be. If we don’t set aside time for the things that are important to us, the time will get filled with someone else’s priorities or, worse, with Netflix and Facebook binges.

If you expect your child to practice or do chores or take a bath or anything else you deem important, I promise you, they will rise to meet your standard. I have faith in you that you can accomplish that without resorting to negative forcefulness or bribery.

Here are a few things to try:

1. This or that. I told you the other day that I use this tactic with my children often. If two chores need to be done, I ask if they want to do this or that. I don’t give them the option of not doing either but they can choose the one they prefer (or think is easier). When I was a new parent, I would ask my son if he wanted to wear this shirt or that one after his bath. The bath was non-negotiable but what he wore afterward was his choice.

2. Now or 10 minutes from now. Before the days of DVR, my brother and I loved to watch Gilligan’s Island reruns when we got home from school. It never failed with only 5 minutes left of the show, our mom would tell both of us to do some chore. We would always ask, “Can we wait until the commercial?” Sometimes she would let us wait, sometimes we had to turn the TV off right then. Because of that, I don’t mind giving my kids an option of when something happens. “Do you want to take the garbage can to the road tonight or in the morning?” My preference might not be the same as theirs. As long as the job is done, it doesn’t matter to me when you do it.

3. It’s time to… Another option is to simply make a matter of fact statement. “It’s time to pick up the toys and get ready for bed.” “It’s time to practice piano.” “It’s time to get ready for school.” Some of those may be easy for us to enforce because we also have to go to bed or get ready for work. Don’t be shy about declaring something simply because you, the parent, have decided it must happen. “It’s time for you to help me in the kitchen.” You don’t have to over explain or justify your statement. You certainly shouldn’t bribe or flatter your child into obeying you. In fact, once you start that, it is hard to stop or to make an big enough offer to convince your child to obey.

As much as I don’t like the phrase, “Because I said so.” and try not to use it much, it is true. My kids need to trust that I have good reason for my decision and obey me because of that trust.

What other tips would you share with other parents listening? What works for your piano kid? Share your suggestions in the Piano Parent Podcast Facebook group.

Thanks for your review

Liesl writes “I am a piano teacher who listens every week and shares these episodes with my piano parents. The content is excellent – so helpful. As I listen, I am encouraged to learn new things. Thank you, Shelly!”

Thank you, Liesl! Your kind words are just the thing to help other teachers and parents know if this is a podcast in which they should invest their time.

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