PPP096: On Birth Order & Piano lessons

11Jun 2018 by Shelly Davis

The theory of birth order and the impact it has on our children is an interesting thing to consider. I believe it is something to consider regarding piano study as well.

Two different points of view

These are the two articles I refered to on the podcast:

Parents.com article “How Birth Order Affects Your Child’s Personality and Behavior”

PsychologyToday.com article “Is Birth Order a Myth?”

The idea of birth order is simply a theory, it is not a definitive statement of what to expect from your child depending on their placement in your family.

More important than the order that your children are born in, your parenting style and your family dynamic will have a greater impact on their personality and their behavior and their success.

My experiences with my own children

My husband and I are blessed with four wonderful children.

Justin, our oldest, fits the first-born profile with his definite sense of right and wrong, he takes charge but only when he sees the need. He’s not bossy like first-borns tend to be but he doesn’t mince words.

Keri is our oldest daughter and, in my opinion, fits the first-born mold more so than the middle child mold. She is more structured and cautious. She can be bossy and controlling – but that’s only because her ideas are better than yours! LOL

Austin is absolutely the middle child. He is a generous people pleaser with a large social circle. He would give a stranger the shirt off his back and the money in his wallet even if that meant having to skip his next meal because he gave away his money.

Tracy is our youngest. I will admit that we definitely treat her like the baby of the family, not only because of where she is in the line but also because of her heart defect and other health issues. She doesn’t fit many of the items on the Parents.com list for last born children but she is a bit self-centered and quick-witted…..maybe that’s because she’s 15. (??)

As far as piano goes….

Justin fired me as his piano teacher when he was in 7th grade. He then picked up guitar and hasn’t stopped playing and singing and writing songs since.

Keri continued piano lessons with me through high school. She loved to play melodies by ear with her right hand only. It was a struggle for her to get over the hump of playing with both hands together. She was able to use her piano skills to excel in band playing the flute and to help her classmates with vocal warm-ups in choir at school and used her vocal skills to earn a scholarship in the choir at her university. She is still a wonderful singer.

Austin also continued lessons with me through high school. While he is able to sight read piano music, he prefers to work out songs by ear. He played trumpet in high school, was in the choir for a semester in college, and isn’t afraid to try new instruments. He has tried everything from clarinet to trombone, accordion, ukulele, and guitar. His years of listening to his older sister practice (along with all my piano students) has given him a very good ear for making music.

Tracy prefers to play by ear or to compose her own melodies and sounds at the piano. She hates to be bogged down reading music. In addition to piano, she is a great singer – picking out her own harmonies, and trumpet player. She is currently wanting to learn to play saxophone.

Each of my children is unique, not only in their personality but also in their musical interests and abilities.

My experiences with my piano students

I have had piano students from all different families. I have taught single children, first-borns, middle children, and babies of the family.

I have noticed a few things:

The first child to take piano lessons in a family tends to be the trail blazer. Sometimes this makes the take of learning music more challenging.
Parents of first-born students can help their child develop a love of music by including lots of music in the home. (Learn more about this in Episode 010.)
Younger siblings have an advantage because they’ve heard their older brother or sister practicing. They’ve heard music in the home.
Parents are more experienced when their second or third child begins lessons. They know how to establish practice routines and how important repetition is in learning music.

What if the younger child’s piano skills surpass those of their older siblings? Because younger siblings are at an advantage with listening skills in learning to play piano, they sometimes grasp musical concepts easier and quickly catch up with their older brother or sister. If that happens in your family, consider these things:

Talk to your teacher about using different method books and music for each child. Using a different method book makes it less obvious that the younger child is moving past the older child in their playing ability.
Consider using a different teacher. The personality type of a piano teacher that connects with one child might clash with another child. There is no rule that says all children in the family must study with the same teacher.
It might be time to change instruments. If playing piano is more of a struggle for one child, consider allowing them to focus more on their band or orchestra instrument. This will give both children the opportunity to shine on their specific instrument. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they came to a point where they were playing duets together?